100 Greatest Stand-ups

[feygan]

Heh, I was watching "100 Greatest Stand-ups" on Comedy Central, numbers 100-80 something. It was like a walk down memory lane. I'm such a comedian whore, watching them obsessive compulsively as they stalk back and forth across the stage like crack-riddled rockstars, spitting out their pithy little jokes.

. Andrew Dice Clay:
"Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider,
that sat down beside her,
and said, "What's in the bowl, bitch?"

I heard that warping of the famous nursey rhyme when I was nine. After that, I would walk around spouting that one, and this one:

"Old Mother Hubbard went to her cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone,
when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own."

It was right up there with my other greats of:

"Hello Mother, Hello Father,
I've been kidnapped by Mr. Rogers.
He touched me here, he touched me there,
he licked the brown stuff out of my underwear."

Or:

"There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance,
there's a hole in the wall where the children see it all,
but the men don't care, 'cause they're in their underwear."

Yeah, I was pretty warped as a kid. I freely admit that and can almost take pride in my weirdness. I just thought I'd share it with you.